


You Got a Friend? (or The Starter Motor)

by cleverqueen



Category: Car Talk - Fandom, Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crossover, Episode: s02e03 Ice Pick, Gen, I Refuse to Tag This pre-Jeemaro, Screenplay/Script Format, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 21:27:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1362331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleverqueen/pseuds/cleverqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Erica tears out a part of Stiles’ engine and bashes him over the head with it, the kanima kills his mechanic. Stiles needs help! For his Jeep. So, he calls Car Talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Got a Friend? (or The Starter Motor)

**Author's Note:**

> There’s probably no crossover readership for Teen Wolf / Car Talk episode tags, but I couldn’t help myself. Please pretend for the sake of this fic that Derek’s Camaro is a 1976 instead of a 2010. Also, I have no idea what Erica actually broke on Stiles’ Jeep.

**RAY:** (coming in mid-sentence) ...and the answer to Last Week’s Puzzler in the third half of the show.

 **RAY:** Hello, you’re on Car Talk. Who’s this?

 **CALLER:** Hi, guys. My name is Stiles, and I’m from Beacon Hills, California.

 **TOM:** Beacon Hills... We ever been to Beacon Hills?

 **RAY:** You’ve been to Beacon GRILLS. You went there last week, hoping to get a replacement for your new, freshly imported, once painted, RUSTING THROUGH Lancier.... Then you found out they only make grills for food. (laughing snort)

 **TOM:** Oh, right. So what’s your problem, ah, St... Stee... What’s your name again?

 **CALLER:** Stiles. S-T-I-L-E-S.

 **RAY:** Style. We’ve never had any of that either. (laughing)

 **TOM:** So, Stiles from Beacon Hills, what’s your problem today?

 **CALLER:** (laughing) I’ve got many. But I’m calling you about my Jeep. She’s a 1980 CJ-5. And she’s missing a starter motor.

 **TOM:** So what do you need us for? Let me guess: a Jeep that old, you thinking about doing it yourself?

 **CALLER:** Well, the starter motor was the _first_ problem. It got, ah, yanked out. But then I took it to my mechanic, and he found a bunch of other problems to fix.

 **RAY:** Sounds like a mechanic!

 **CALLER:** And he told me it was going to come out to around $2000.

 **RAY:** Have you considered getting a new car? At $2000 you could upgrade to something with airbags.

 **TOM:** (whistle) Two thousand big ones for a _starter motor_?

 **CALLER:** I’d already given him a down payment when he died. (long moment of silence) So, I don’t know what he did and didn’t do, and I’m pretty much out of cash, and I can’t just _ask_ him.

 **RAY:** Whoa. So you’re gonna do it yourself, huh? Have you ever done anything like this before?

 **CALLER:** Never. But I really need my car. And my friends need my car.

 **TOM:** Friends! Get your friends to help!

 **CALLER:** (laughing) They’re hopeless. Helpless little puppies, really. I was thinking I could get some parts off ebay and then follow the directions in my owner’s manual, but the manual’s, uh...

 **RAY:** In a foreign language?

 **TOM:** Okay, in all seriousness, there’s no way you’re going to be able to do this by yourself. You’re going to need help. Can you think of anyone who can help you?

 **CALLER:** Uh...

 **RAY:** Can you think of any friends who even _own other cars_?

 **CALLER:** My best friend’s girlfriend borrows her parents’ car sometimes.

 **TOM:** How old are you, kid? You in school? Do you study something useful like engineering?

 **CALLER:** I study everything. I’m in high school.

 **TOM:** High school! That’s great! You’ve gotta have an autoshop class, right?

 **CALLER:** (laughing) But I can’t get to it without my wheels, guys. This is a problem.

 **RAY:** Let’s go back to the Friends Who Own Cars. Other than the girlfriend, do you know anyone who might be capable of doing this?

 **CALLER:** Well, I’ve got an acquaintance with a ’76 Camaro. That thing is beautiful.

 **TOM:** A Camaro! Kid, your friend is either rich or gifted with car maintenance. (laughing) Or both!

 **RAY:** So here’s what you do. You buy the parts on ebay. You squint at your manual a bit, and then you call up the guy with the Camaro and offer to buy him a Coke if he helps you out.

 **TOM:** Coke? Shouldn’t it be beer?

 **RAY:** He’s in high school! Don’t listen to my brother, Stiles. Coke, lunch, whatever. It’ll be a bonding experience.

 **CALLER:** (laughing) All right. I’ll do that. Thanks for the advice, guys.

 **TOM:** No problem. See ya, Stiles.

 **RAY:** Well, we’ve reached that part of the show. Once again, you’ve wasted a—WAIT! Dougie is frantically signaling that we’re going to take one more call.

 **TOM:** I’m looking at my watch, and I don’t think he’s right.

 **RAY:** Hello, you’re on Car Talk. Who’s this?

 **CALLER:** Hi, my name is Derek from Beacon Hills.

 **TOM:** Everyone’s from Beacon Hills today! Do you know our last caller?

 **RAY:** Shut up, Tom. So, Derek, that’s a good name. I can spell that one. What do you drive?

 **CALLER:** Well, I drive a ’76 Camaro, but I’m calling about a Jeep with a broken starter motor. What do I know about Jeeps? (In the background, a woman’s voice pipes up, “I’m sorry about Stiles’ Jeep already! Would everyone stop talking about it?”)

 **RAY:** You done this kind of thing before?

 **CALLER:** Yes. On a _Camaro._

 **TOM:** You’ll be fine. And your buddy will be springing for burgers and Cokes.

 **RAY:** Burgers! You didn’t tell the kid about burgers.

 **TOM:** Well, Derek will. (laughing)

 **CALLER:** You’re sure?

 **RAY:** (in seriousness) Listen, Derek. You’ve been maintaining that old car for a while; this won’t be a problem for you. You’re a good friend for helping Stiles out.

 **CALLER:** It was my fault. (In the background, a woman yells again, “Whatever it is, it’s not your fault! And stop talking to yourself; it’s creepy!” – Everyone laughs.) Okay, maybe it was _her_ fault.

 **TOM:** She sounds like my ex-wife!

 **RAY:** Well, that’s all we have time for. Good luck, Derek. (A click as Derek hangs up without saying goodbye.) Well, you’ve done it again. You’ve wasted another perfectly good hour listening to _Car Talk._ Our producer... (fades out in credits)


End file.
